It seems like the more I have on my mind the less I have to write about. Hmmm.... Dunno what that's about. Hopefully finishing up on this cold/ stomach virus thing. I hate being sick, it makes me panicky, needy and lonely. Who the hell wants to hang out with that guy?!?!?!
Painted that kitchen last night. Some boys inherit their ancestral home, I inherit ancestral psychosis. I was napping yesterday, awoke, and after contemplating this paint job for at least six months, jumped up, drove the Lowe's, and within five hours had that room covered in Apple Green. I loved it, until this morning. Something changed overnight and it looks a lot heavier now. I dunno, maybe I'm a lot heavier now.
Almost back to work time. Don't wanna think about it.
Speaking of ma-widge...
I wish someone read this blog so they could help me trully understand this gay marriage problem. Here's my current take on the situation: Marriage is a religious institution. I still hold to seperation of church and state and don't believe that the government should be able to tell a church whether or not they are to allow people to marry. If I go to a catholic church I'm not going to expect the priest to wear a yamica just because that's part of my belief system. Of course, if I attend a Unitarian Church I do expect that would be able to marry/ be joined with a man.
Just before this past "election" Bush came out and said, very publicly, that he was for civil unions and extension of full benefits to same-sex couples. Where did THAT come from, and more importantly, where did it go? What I dont understand is why the government cannot pass anti-discrimination legislation to allow same sex couples to come together in civil union, with the SAME legal, tax, medical, etc. benefits of married straight couples, and then leave it up to individual churches from there? My church would surely allow me to marry if they were allowed the choice. That's why I attend. I do not believe gay marriage is a Christian, but I also believe that Christianity is not the only choice. I dream of a nice civil union ceremony with friends and family at my church. I want a beautiful reception and a partner to happily share the rest of my life with. I do not want to be "married," although they sure would look the same in daily life.
Now, for clarity, my non-existant reader, understand that I am not in a position to marry/ partner/ cohabitate/ have a ceremony/ or even attend a church with my BF. My BF is not interested, does not believe in it, thinks his life is a sin as it is. SO, I guess it's a mute point for me, but for those couple that are in a safe/ comfortable/ loving enough place to seek marriage, let it be known that I'm behind them.
Just before this past "election" Bush came out and said, very publicly, that he was for civil unions and extension of full benefits to same-sex couples. Where did THAT come from, and more importantly, where did it go? What I dont understand is why the government cannot pass anti-discrimination legislation to allow same sex couples to come together in civil union, with the SAME legal, tax, medical, etc. benefits of married straight couples, and then leave it up to individual churches from there? My church would surely allow me to marry if they were allowed the choice. That's why I attend. I do not believe gay marriage is a Christian, but I also believe that Christianity is not the only choice. I dream of a nice civil union ceremony with friends and family at my church. I want a beautiful reception and a partner to happily share the rest of my life with. I do not want to be "married," although they sure would look the same in daily life.
Now, for clarity, my non-existant reader, understand that I am not in a position to marry/ partner/ cohabitate/ have a ceremony/ or even attend a church with my BF. My BF is not interested, does not believe in it, thinks his life is a sin as it is. SO, I guess it's a mute point for me, but for those couple that are in a safe/ comfortable/ loving enough place to seek marriage, let it be known that I'm behind them.
Had it up to here...
Went to a restaurant with dad and sis on Saturday. This place was hoppin!!! "An hour wait," she said... and we said "fine" because the taxi cab'd dropped us off and we were told this was the place to get what we want.
An hour... We kept our humor, sis making friends with everyone about as usual... How does she do it? I turn and dads chatting with some cop.... I look to see if i can talk at end about nothing but no one's around... no one I would be able to approach for a chat... maybe it's just that i don't care to talk? i get weird looks and sometimes an expression that says, "you did not really just say that, DID you?"
Point is... we waited for an hour... and then fifteen minutes more... dad losing cool.... everyone before us had been seated and they are seating the folks behind us... all of the people behind us are eating... "fifteen to 35 minutes more" she says.... okay.
Wait for another hour.. bitch... and has a nerve to cop attitude with dad... and he with her, no doubt.. he can talk to anyone....
This is how it always goes... always... sis and I have a cloudy of anxiety hanging over us just waiting for it to come... it's inevitable.... dad waits too, but does not seem to recognize the pattern.. its always such a surprise, but he's fully willing to bite the bait and get shitty every time.... I've inherited this.... And its not just the way we react... it finds us... got hit with candy on fourth of july... annoying and embarrassing teenagers sit in front of me at the movies.... neighbor girl picks my door to endlessly pound upon... then they get pissed when I tell her to get lost.... I'm still an easy target, and people get so surprised at my reactions....
So I asked him, "do you ever feel like we live in a parallel universe or something?" wait for shitty response... "often," he says..... what are we doing wrong?!?!?!?
An hour... We kept our humor, sis making friends with everyone about as usual... How does she do it? I turn and dads chatting with some cop.... I look to see if i can talk at end about nothing but no one's around... no one I would be able to approach for a chat... maybe it's just that i don't care to talk? i get weird looks and sometimes an expression that says, "you did not really just say that, DID you?"
Point is... we waited for an hour... and then fifteen minutes more... dad losing cool.... everyone before us had been seated and they are seating the folks behind us... all of the people behind us are eating... "fifteen to 35 minutes more" she says.... okay.
Wait for another hour.. bitch... and has a nerve to cop attitude with dad... and he with her, no doubt.. he can talk to anyone....
This is how it always goes... always... sis and I have a cloudy of anxiety hanging over us just waiting for it to come... it's inevitable.... dad waits too, but does not seem to recognize the pattern.. its always such a surprise, but he's fully willing to bite the bait and get shitty every time.... I've inherited this.... And its not just the way we react... it finds us... got hit with candy on fourth of july... annoying and embarrassing teenagers sit in front of me at the movies.... neighbor girl picks my door to endlessly pound upon... then they get pissed when I tell her to get lost.... I'm still an easy target, and people get so surprised at my reactions....
So I asked him, "do you ever feel like we live in a parallel universe or something?" wait for shitty response... "often," he says..... what are we doing wrong?!?!?!?
Goals check-in...
(Lets check in with our willing subject and see how he's progressing with those goals he thinks we forgot about...)
ptm: Well, good morning monkey boy. Enjoying that frothy cup of coffee?
him: umm, yes, hey! what are you doing in here?!?!? get the @#%^ outta my house....
ptm: wait, WAIT!!! asshole... we're here to check in with you on the progress made towards accomplishing your summer goals. put down the phone.
him: oh. okay. coffee's fine.
Goal 1: Join AND attend the gym.
Joined Sunday. They wanted $600 for two years, I talked 'em down to $300 for one. ooo, smooth talker. I've been the past two days, I can barely move my arms, and my ass feels like I've been slammed by a bus (and not in a good way...)
Goal 2: Write every day.
Well, you can see that hasn't happened, but I'ved written more days than not, except when I've been on the road. I was surprised that hotel in Raleigh didn't have computer access. I'll do better mommy...
Goal 3: Plan for this coming year.
Yesterday I spent about three hours mapping out my driving route and coming up with a tentative calendar. I will go by the old job today to pick up "stuff" and check e-mail, since that damn system wont work from here. Still need to get down to research, interest survey development, etc...
Goal 4: Paint.
Haven't done shit.
ptm: Well, good morning monkey boy. Enjoying that frothy cup of coffee?
him: umm, yes, hey! what are you doing in here?!?!? get the @#%^ outta my house....
ptm: wait, WAIT!!! asshole... we're here to check in with you on the progress made towards accomplishing your summer goals. put down the phone.
him: oh. okay. coffee's fine.
Goal 1: Join AND attend the gym.
Joined Sunday. They wanted $600 for two years, I talked 'em down to $300 for one. ooo, smooth talker. I've been the past two days, I can barely move my arms, and my ass feels like I've been slammed by a bus (and not in a good way...)
Goal 2: Write every day.
Well, you can see that hasn't happened, but I'ved written more days than not, except when I've been on the road. I was surprised that hotel in Raleigh didn't have computer access. I'll do better mommy...
Goal 3: Plan for this coming year.
Yesterday I spent about three hours mapping out my driving route and coming up with a tentative calendar. I will go by the old job today to pick up "stuff" and check e-mail, since that damn system wont work from here. Still need to get down to research, interest survey development, etc...
Goal 4: Paint.
Haven't done shit.
Fucking Fun Friday
I've been noticing that our guitarist is around less and less before we play. I'm not sure where he wanders off to but I've just assumed he's playin the mysterious rock star and left him alone with this idea.
Ten minutes after we were scheduled to play Friday night here he comes, lead singer in tow. He's straight faced and serious, she's leaving a healthy trail of tears along the sidewalk.
The set was over an hour of pure emotion. After we played I heard, "passion, driven, raw..." thrown around among our friends. She strarted to cry again. The music can dull the pain, but just doesn't seem to take it away.
The guitarist approached me afterwards and let me know he's quitting the band. Asshole. Selfish, self-absorbed and less-talented-than-he-thinks asshole. Quitter. I did not beg him to stay, barely asked him why he was leaving. Some people run from failure, but it seems more run from success.
We chatted, I made myself clear, I started to gather my belongings. As I was walking inside for another armful of gear I heard a loud 'thud' behind me on the road. I turned to see her sitting on his hood, dead center, legs crossed and head held high. I walked inside.
When I re-emerged from the bar they were still there. He was now out of his car, she was crying hysterically, and I was asked (told?) to intervene. I don't think well on my feet in times like this.
"I'm not getting in the middle of your shit." I wisely retorted and walked on. I thought about it and returned.
I offered words of encouragement, I gave a hug, and said, "good luck with all that," before jumping in my own car and heading home. I passed the cops on the way out. Last I'd heard she was searching for a joint she had dropped on his hood. I was glad to be gone.
Twenty minutes later, at 3:05 am, I received a tear-soaked call from her, asking that I return to her house. By 3:35 I was on her step (I had to stop for cigs and gas, let the dog out... priorities I guess...)
We talked until 6:30 am. 6:30. I have not seen either side of 6:30 am in years and years. We laughed, she cried, it was better than Cats.
Ten minutes after we were scheduled to play Friday night here he comes, lead singer in tow. He's straight faced and serious, she's leaving a healthy trail of tears along the sidewalk.
The set was over an hour of pure emotion. After we played I heard, "passion, driven, raw..." thrown around among our friends. She strarted to cry again. The music can dull the pain, but just doesn't seem to take it away.
The guitarist approached me afterwards and let me know he's quitting the band. Asshole. Selfish, self-absorbed and less-talented-than-he-thinks asshole. Quitter. I did not beg him to stay, barely asked him why he was leaving. Some people run from failure, but it seems more run from success.
We chatted, I made myself clear, I started to gather my belongings. As I was walking inside for another armful of gear I heard a loud 'thud' behind me on the road. I turned to see her sitting on his hood, dead center, legs crossed and head held high. I walked inside.
When I re-emerged from the bar they were still there. He was now out of his car, she was crying hysterically, and I was asked (told?) to intervene. I don't think well on my feet in times like this.
"I'm not getting in the middle of your shit." I wisely retorted and walked on. I thought about it and returned.
I offered words of encouragement, I gave a hug, and said, "good luck with all that," before jumping in my own car and heading home. I passed the cops on the way out. Last I'd heard she was searching for a joint she had dropped on his hood. I was glad to be gone.
Twenty minutes later, at 3:05 am, I received a tear-soaked call from her, asking that I return to her house. By 3:35 I was on her step (I had to stop for cigs and gas, let the dog out... priorities I guess...)
We talked until 6:30 am. 6:30. I have not seen either side of 6:30 am in years and years. We laughed, she cried, it was better than Cats.
C-C-C-Coffee
My best friend, J, got engaged last year. She'd only known the boy for a couple months when he drunkenly proposed and so they spent the past year or so trying to sort it all out. Needless to say, once they started to tear away the layers and really know each other, they were not thrilled with what was revealed. They no longer talk.
So in my attempt to build excitement for myself around this imminent train wreck I travelled to target. com and sulked through their wedding registry. I was the only one. In a year not one other person picked anything up for them (or maybe they were smart enough to keep theirs rather than having it mailed). So J returned my coffee maker last week, a week after they mutually agreed that they should no longer have any contact or conversation (and four days after they last talked).
My bf and I travelled to Targe' to trade in this doomed plastic and steel caffeine delivery system for my very own single cup maker. (I'm so tired of making coffee in a huge tank for one person.) So many choices! The black and decker one was what I wanted but it was so cheaply made! (I was soon to learn that "anything Black and Decker makes is crap!") The Senseo was cool, and came in a couple nifty colors... and the other just didn't "speak" to me. But Joe did.
"So you in the market for a coffee maker are ya? Wellll if you like coffe you have to get the Senseo, you HAVE to! I mean, you'll like it.. it's like espresso, but not quite as much and the pods are so great and easy to clean??" ....quiver quiver, tic, tic... Joe went on about this coffee maker for at least fifteen minutes, had a brief conversation with his long-red-haired son, and continued to tell me the benefits of this wonder of modern science. I've never been so excited about a coffee maker! I got the one in blue (mistake, but...) dropped the bf at home and promptly came home to begin my addiction. The thing is still sitting in the center of my stove with the plug draped precariously across a burner. The machine is surrounded by packing materials, coffee marks on the counter, and a large bag of 'free' coffee pods...
This morning at four a.m. I got out of bed to check the web for deals on a 'less-caffeinated' alternative.... This is getting out of hand...
So in my attempt to build excitement for myself around this imminent train wreck I travelled to target. com and sulked through their wedding registry. I was the only one. In a year not one other person picked anything up for them (or maybe they were smart enough to keep theirs rather than having it mailed). So J returned my coffee maker last week, a week after they mutually agreed that they should no longer have any contact or conversation (and four days after they last talked).
My bf and I travelled to Targe' to trade in this doomed plastic and steel caffeine delivery system for my very own single cup maker. (I'm so tired of making coffee in a huge tank for one person.) So many choices! The black and decker one was what I wanted but it was so cheaply made! (I was soon to learn that "anything Black and Decker makes is crap!") The Senseo was cool, and came in a couple nifty colors... and the other just didn't "speak" to me. But Joe did.
"So you in the market for a coffee maker are ya? Wellll if you like coffe you have to get the Senseo, you HAVE to! I mean, you'll like it.. it's like espresso, but not quite as much and the pods are so great and easy to clean??" ....quiver quiver, tic, tic... Joe went on about this coffee maker for at least fifteen minutes, had a brief conversation with his long-red-haired son, and continued to tell me the benefits of this wonder of modern science. I've never been so excited about a coffee maker! I got the one in blue (mistake, but...) dropped the bf at home and promptly came home to begin my addiction. The thing is still sitting in the center of my stove with the plug draped precariously across a burner. The machine is surrounded by packing materials, coffee marks on the counter, and a large bag of 'free' coffee pods...
This morning at four a.m. I got out of bed to check the web for deals on a 'less-caffeinated' alternative.... This is getting out of hand...
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