Poorly Trained Monkey

Greensboro Coffe House Tour- Day One

2008-07-01T11:21:00.005-05:00

This morning I began my tour of Greensboro Coffee Houses at 'Coffee at the Summit'.

Coffee at the Summit has been a favorite haunt of mine for some time now, although I'd not nearly qualify as a regular. Since it is near my office, I typically just drop in for a to-go cup and quick hello to the owner- I enjoy his dedication to the community and, particularly, the youth as he promotes music education as a means of touching the hearts and lives of local youth.

From their website: "In a unique coffee house in the heart of the Aycock Historic District. We are dedicated to providing the residential and business communities with a welcoming place to fellowship and network with friends, family, and associates. We offer a delectable array of food and drinks to suit all tastes in a comfortable, friendly atmosphere that invites you to relax and enjoy yourself. Oh yes, we also serve an excellent cup of coffee !"

My (humble and totally unqualified) review:

coffee: Upon entering I was given a large black coffee- Albeit flavored. I'm not into flavored coffees- they just don't taste as good as they smell, to me. But I did appreciate the service. My second cup was a delicious Americano- I'd say 3.5 out of 5. Tasty, hot and strong- A bit more water than In prefer, and no crema... although I'm not sure if this is a fair expectation. Somehow they pulled crema on an Americano in Paris, but don't know if that's typical.
Atmosphere: An easy 5 of 5... absolutely love being in this 98 year-old victorian house. Amazing renovations highlight all the best features, includes a stunning wrap-around front porch.
People watching: I'm amazed that there are not more folks wandering around this place. Three people stopped in for a bit, but not too long. I really think this business is just an undiscovered gem and hope that more people find it soon! To his credit the owner has kept the outside very unpretentious, althoug this may cause passerbys to not notice as much. Anyway, people watching oppotunites are few and far behind.
Proximity to home: 7.45 miles from home- it takes me from 10 to 20 minutes to get here, depending on traffic. Not too close to home, although it is seconds from work and another establishment I frequent.
Wi-fi: Is free and unlimited!
Price: Went with a friend of mine and we paid $7.42 for four large coffees- $1.85 a cup! Outstanding.
Music: Stan is a jazz aficiando and hence the music here is spectacular- and as it turns out, the cd we were listening to was made by the group of kids he teaches; I never would have guessed it- So interesting and professional...
Miscellaneous:

pros:

Well thought design and atmosphere.
Friendly and knowledgeable barista
I proudly spend my money here, knowing that it is going to support a number of worthwhile issues/ causes- music education, reaching out to youth at risk, African-American owned small-business, etc...

cons:

parking is an issue- I'm not sure if the lot next door is permitted.
the shop was not yet open when I arrived at 9am, but opened shortly thereafter. While inconvenient, this somehow added some charm.
I really like to have my 'for here' coffee served in a mug, rather than a to-go cup. Nit picky- I agree.

Another blog I ran across that mentions CATS.

Come here often?

2008-06-30T08:38:00.005-05:00

Well hello there- Long time no see. What an inappropriate way to end a blog. Sorry bout that.

Lots of changes here since last we spoke... but I'm not in the mood to get into it. Summer's here and, as usual, I'm trying to start a bunch of ambitious projects I'll never finish (write book, get a personal trainer, start a garden to end all gardens, etc.) mostly to put of the projects I should really be working on (clean out my townhouse, which has sat unused, besides to store ratty clothes, unwanted books and piles of dog hair, for the past year.

One project I may work on (see?!) is to tour my local coffee houses. Just back from Paris, and no longer drinking, I am increasingly interested in coffee houses/ cafes. What makes a good coffee house? Here are some ideas:

Coffee: Is it safe to assume that they all have a good sense of what to serve? Don't know the answer- I would hope so. But... Chances are good they know more than me...
Atmosphere: Does it have the 'feel' of a genuine coffee house, or more of someone's strip mall side project? Can't put my finger on it, but if there is an absence of 'funk' we'll be scoring low here. Commercial chain shops will score low here.
People watching: My favorite past time... The reason Parisian cafes exist...
Proximity to the home: After all, it's all about me.
Wi-fi: Whatcha gonna do when people watching is slow? Charging for wifi is bull... Especially more than a couple bucks... 1... 2... 3...
Price
Music: As I type this I'm listening to an adult contemporary, "all the hits, all the time", guaranteed not to offend anyone generic bullshit... 1... 2... 3...

Anyway- Lets see how it goes.... Now, on to that book.... "Once upon a time there was a fairy princess named Bruce..."

2007-10-18T07:24:00.000-05:00

Ramblin' on bout livin'

2007-09-30T17:17:00.000-05:00

I was lonely kid, no doubt about it. I held very special value for my family for my lack of friends and, as a result, I suspect, it took me quite a while to figure out how to pick up and hold tight to friends. Believe it or not, it was not until High School until I realized that I liked having people around, and it may not have been until College that I learned how to keep them around. I was so deeply connected to family that I was homesick for the the first three years of my career, at least.

It can be slow progress, socially, as a gay man, and slower still with other stuff going on (and I ain't gettin' into all that...) What I have come to learn, though, is that I have developed a strong sense of what I understand to be life: that is, how actively I integrate myself into the living around me.

Living:

skiing

talking with close friends

singing while driving (specially from the passenger side)

rock and roll

drums

playing music

eating dinner with friends, while playing with their kids and puppies

listening to a friend play you a song

singing alongside a friend, hearing them sing for the first time

frisbee

recognizing God in one's surroundings (I saw ten turtles sunning on a log deep in the woods; I had a 2nd grader tell me, "There's power in this hand," after writing an unusually long essay, etc...)

checking out hot boys (especially when they KNOW you're checking them out...)

long conversations about nothing (and everything?!)

trying to explain emotion

light reflected off of snow

silliness and laughter

circles (fire circles/ drum circles, etc.)

dancing

honesty

sex with a man you are in love with

Not-living/ avoiding life:

videogames

television

drinking/ drugs

stress

isolation

hiding

shyness

wearing masks

fear

lies/ living in your mind alone

celebacy to please others (and they don't care!)

I've been thinking lately about the difference between living independently and interdependently. I feel pretty independent, although we all need someone from time to time. Despite this independence I am constantly seeking interdependence. I long for my partner to stand at my side and work with my towards a common goal. That's not happening. I love when I get that feeling of working towards a common idea: this usually comes with playing music... This is really where I found my earliest connections and I thank God for this... Without Drumming I don't know that I'd be anything more than I was at 10 years old, and that wasn't good. Trust me.

Okay: Off to take a vicodin and watch TV.... We all need room to grow :)

What if?

2007-08-01T11:34:00.000-05:00

One day, long ago, young God was sitting on the stony banks of his great sea, alone in the universe he had freshly created. God was happy, but not yet content; he felt that more remained. As he thought about the overwhelming possibilities he began to feel emptiness and then sadness. God took in a deep breath to calm himself and exhaled slowly and with purpose.

God's breath left His being and floated calmly out to the very sea he had thought into existence. Th sea rose to meet the friction of this breath creating the first wave. this wave continued to roll upon itself, putting in motion the beautiful yet stagnant rock bottom of the sea. The rocks swirled and crashed against themselves creating the sands which would follow the waves onto shore, lie themselves still and become beaches upon which the moving inhabitants of the sea were moved to perch.

Initially god felt little resolve from his breathing exercises and looked around for some hint as to his next move (God's never been good with free time...) Unbenownst to him the world had changed around him and soon these changes appeared to Him. Above him, where there had only been stale glimmers of light, the stars began to flicker, clouds began to roll over (although they had been placed far behind him at the mountain tops) and the moon began to fall, as the sun rose ahead (it had been intended only for the vast warmth of his other favorite sitting spot on the far side of His world).

God worried. He'd spent so much time and energy working on this project, his little 'get away from it all' spot and now it seemed to be caving in on itself. God had faith in his abilities and sat back and watched. Birds flew over, the moons an sun alternated their positions, and great rains fell.

God felt better. He enjoyed the constant changes in his vaca spot as well as the ability to see it all without travel (he used to have to walk sooo far to those plains). He enjoyed the dolphins out playing in the water, the snow upon his tongue and feeding upon the luscious vegetation that surrounded Him, bu the emptiness remained. "What more can I do?" He thought and right on cue, as if by plan, a young human couple walked out on the beach before him. He looked curiously at his creation and smiled at the uprightness of it all... "What a clever beast this is," he said, and patted himself on the back (much as he had done with the other's that had crossed this particular ground.)

As he watched he realized there was something different here. The two humans frolicked, much as the other animals had; they played, rested, ate... all the activities God had seen a million times before... and then they kissed. God sat slack jawed... what was this? He had sensed something similar in the other creatures, and even in himself, but had never seen it played out in quite this way. As he watched the couple grew closer physically and emotionally and He smiled more and more. As the couple's emotional state grew, so did His until it reached the point that God's heart, for the first time in his young life, was full. "Love," He pronounced, and His creation was complete.

It's about damn time...

2007-07-24T06:18:00.000-05:00

Thank GOD I finally heard someone say it (even though you have to watch the the entire clip to see the cut off version of his answer...)... It's seems so fundamental the only way to resolve the issue of gay marriage in our country is to require that our government accept, acknowledge and promote civil unions of all people, straight or gay with the individual churches deciding whether or not the union is a marriage... It's a matter of vocabulary within belief and the government has no place in making that decision for a church... The candidates that support separation but do not see it this way contradict themselves... I'm liking this guy more and more every day...

Go Obama Go!!! (And I agree with Jon on the jacket; why didn't she ask about his hair?!)

I know, it's not the only issue, and truthful, not the most pressing issue out there, but one that continues to build my trust in this man's honesty and passion... Hope I don't have to eat those words...

On the highway to .. the inner light

2007-07-20T16:52:00.000-05:00

Interesting website I heard about last week at the Quaker meeting I attended:

No huge surprise that I came out with 100% tendency toward Liberal Quakerism and 94% each of Unitarian Universalism (which I currently attend) and, of all things, Reformed Judaism... That one never occurred to me, but makes some sense... (Two of my lowest, I'm proud to say, are Catholicism and Jehovah's witness...)

Side note: Is it coincidence that Bush finally signed a anti-"torture" bill the day before he went in for his colonoscopy?

The Good Word... The God Word...

2007-07-14T21:44:00.000-05:00

God has spoken to me... It's not the first time, and I feel like I've long been an empty vessel for receiving this voice (we all are, if we so choose), but never have I heard the voice as loudly as I have this weekend. What was intended as, or expected to be, a few days of drunken poolside leisure has somehow progressed into what I hope will be a life changing experience... Three sleeping boys in the room, and my own sore-hunched back keep me from fully sharing this experience... But the summation that was provided to me was nothing unexpected, but somehow transforming.... How profound, the power behind one word:

Surrender

There are no accidents... Accept the plan and let god have his way... It's really the only way...

this is The Truth and The Truth has been revealed...

Scary language provided to me in the easiest pill I've ever swallowed.

What'chu talkin' bout Willis...

2007-06-26T15:04:00.000-05:00

Granted, I'm a slow processor... Not to be confused with an idiot, it takes me a long time to think through my feelings on topics and events... I often don't trust my initial reactions and must take time to think it through... anyway, like I said, slow processor... So I again broach the topic of Gay Marriage. Inspired by Joe.My.God's recent mention of Elizabeth Edwards' support of gay marriage I ask this: Why does government have a say in the issue? My understanding is that the opposition to two people of the same gender being 'married' is an interpretation of the term itself. While one church may see marriage as only between a man and a woman, other churches do not. Who is the government to interpret religious text?

Now I do see the civil aspects of the situation: someone needs to regulate... Take care of the blood work (careful with kissing cousins, etc...) to be sure people know what they're getting into and to be able to profit off the unions... But what if the government performed civil unions, regardless of orientation, and sent it on to the church to be recognized or denied as a true 'marriage'. This way everyone would be sharing the same legal rights but would still be subject to the beliefs of the particular church they choose to attend.

In my mind I do not want the government telling me that my Unitarian Universalist Church cannot perform marriages any more than as a Southern Baptist wants the government telling them that they must perform these religious unions.

To me we are unclear as to what, exactly, the battle is that we're fighting. Is this really a matter of marriages? Are we really clear on the differences? When 'we' talk about legalization of gay marriages, are we telling churches what they must do? Have we jumped into a situation that is unclear in vocabulary, idea and goal?

(side note: I did try to track back to Joe's orignial post, but I'm not sure I did it correctly. Very worth reading if my links don't tke you there directly.)

State of The Confusion

2007-06-25T00:22:00.000-05:00

It seems the tide has changed here lately, have my stars aligned? While it scares the shit out of me that things are going so well, it strikes me that I need to remain consistent to my preaching the importance of remaining in the moment and celebrate the good times... So here goes, all that is important:

The band: I'm sitting here typing along with the newly-recorded and mixed album from The Crap Rock All Stars... Man I love this shit, and deeply love these guys... We've spent about 24 hours and a (to me) sizable amount recording some of the best rock music you'll find in the past 10 years... While we all come from different angles (me, the uptight anal one; G with his musically genius ear and free form ways and K who walks the line between our personalities and somehow finds a way to get his amazing AMAZING songs to tape.. with kick balls leads and vocals, and all the heart in the world...). And time spent with Matty S this afternoon was eye-opening... a-mazing, and not just for the playing...

The friends: God I fell in love with S & C at day one and knew their relationship is the reality of the dream I've always held for two people.. And something worth, truly dedicating my life-force worth, totally throwing myself towards.. While I've long held a vision of how my life was meant to be lead, these guys have somehow put action to my thought and made me such a better person... I can feel it in my heart and see it in my actions... There is no accident in our knowing each other...

J: She's somehow hung on through the long haul and now met Dr. Love, who is all too easy on the eyes and seemingly Mr. Super Niceguy... I pray it works out well, but I all I know to be true tonight is that I am so happy to have seen her smile again... I love that girl...

The boy- Nothing I can put into words... We both seem to have a better understanding these days.. And I think we are both going through some interesting growth wherein we can and must be more of our true selves while both realizing the true worth of our relationship... It's a fine line at times... I've never loved him more and love him more by the day... So far it's been worth the trip... Day by day we grow...

The job: Well, I'm on summer break, so I am, of course, feeling very good about it... although the dichotomy is that the better I feel about it the more I think I should get back to school and throw myself into the area that most fascinates me: classroom management and behaviors disorders... Never thought I'd be there but I know now that that which we most fear is often the area in which we have the most to learn... and embracing that fear has thus far brought me a long way professionally and personally... I mean, who could deal with a gay conservative republican boyfriend better than a behavior specialist?!

What shall tomorrow bring?!?! More of the same I hope...

More Blogger Bullshit

2007-06-22T10:27:00.001-05:00

Your Brain's Pattern

Your mind is a firestorm - full of intensity and drama.
Your thoughts may seem scattered to you most of the time...
But they often seem strong and passionate to those around you.
You are a natural influencer. The thoughts you share are very powerful and persuading.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

8 Things: A Personal MEME

2007-06-21T11:02:00.002-05:00

Okay, Dougie tagged me for this meme, which in all honesty I'd seen, but hadn't considered doing... I try to walk that fine line of keeping it personal without giving away anything, well, personal... And since Doug may be the only reader I have that I don't know in 'real life' (not that you're not real Doug, stop sulking, or are you smelling your breath...) I am trying to come up with 8 things they don't know either (I pretty much tell everyone everything about me... to a flaw for sure; I like to talk about myself.) Here goes:

When I was a kid I'd walk around speaking in nonsensical language, sure that someone would overhear me and be awed with my ability, or magically understand what I was saying. They would be my soul mate and best friend... and stuff...

I got a taste for cigarettes in third grade when I would steal packs from my dad's carton... but more commonly, from his Chevette's ashtray... GAG!!! I finally got caught cause I smoked out of my bedroom window... I think my dad got in more trouble than I as my mom had been trying to get him to quit for quite a while. He apparently remained a closet smoker until about 5 years ago when a heart attack revealed his secret. (Even though I wasn't crystal clear that he was alive, I had to take a shower to wash the smoke off of my own skin before driving 1/2 an hour to the hospital, so my mom wouldn't know... The cycle continues.)

I fart louder and longer than anyone I've met, but many of my friends know this. Sadly I'm quite proud of this ability.

I did not realize there was a state between California and Washington until I'd been teaching for at least 2-3 years.

My dream job growing up was to work in a tiny magazine stand/ shop, much like the ones you'd find on NYC street corners (see above)... Or maybe a walk-up food window.. Something about the tiny space excites me... Maybe when I retire...

My favorite smells, although often awful, are those that remind me of past experiences and people: cigarettes and Seagram's Seven (my dad); cigar smoke and cedarwood, like in a cigar box (my grandfather); lavender and blueberries (my grandmother); bleach (porn shops); very dark coffee (okay, that's enough, but $1 if you can guess...)

Sometimes I do not recognize people I know, even when I've known them for years... i.e.: my boss, my sister...

I believe that in some/ many ways gay men are more advanced than straight men. Eek! Controversy!

You're the debil...

2007-06-20T10:17:00.001-05:00

Guess some people I know wouldn't be too surprised to find that I'm the devil...

You are The Devil

Materiality. Material Force. Material temptation; sometimes obsession

The Devil is often a great card for business success; hard work and ambition.

Perhaps the most misunderstood of all the major arcana, the Devil is not really "Satan" at all, but Pan the half-goat nature god and/or Dionysius. These are gods of pleasure and abandon, of wild behavior and unbridled desires. This is a card about ambitions; it is also synonymous with temptation and addiction. On the flip side, however, the card can be a warning to someone who is too restrained, someone who never allows themselves to get passionate or messy or wild - or ambitious. This, too, is a form of enslavement. As a person, the Devil can stand for a man of money or erotic power, aggressive, controlling, or just persuasive. This is not to say a bad man, but certainly a powerful man who is hard to resist. The important thing is to remember that any chain is freely worn. In most cases, you are enslaved only because you allow it.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

A Boy Can Dream

2007-06-20T08:20:00.000-05:00

I guess it's time I come clean and let you know who the "boif" really is... His name is Glenn and we've been seeing each other since 2002 when he hit me up on myspace... I'm super excited cause when he's touring with his band I don't get to see him much (although he does call me from the road at least once a day... some might call it an obsession...) but they will be in Charlotte tonight, so we'll get to catch up for a bit (I'm sure the backstage pass is waiting for me there, along with the seating upgrade; he loves to surprise me) Anyway, enough about sweet-ums, err... Glenn... Here's his pic and a couple of videos.... drool....

Summer... It turns me upside down

2007-06-19T05:37:00.000-05:00

Ahhhh... First day of summer and I can let out that annual sigh as I settle into doing... well... whatever I want... It was not a bad year by any means, and still loving my new role(s) at work... although I think my general feel of the year was summed up yesterday when I walked into my office to pack a couple things up and heard my co-worker bitching and moaning about the spaces we were being moved into. I don't know, there are just some things I can change and some things I can't and some things I just don't give a shit about. Having to move my office down the hall to a smaller space is just not high on my list of things to bitch about. She's lonely and miserable and I should be more sympathetic, but a year is a long time to listen to someone moan.... It starts to sound like some very, very long death rattle; Starts to bring you down at some point and yesterday I hit the wall.... Whew, what a rant... Anyway, here are my goals for the summer:

finish painting my 1st level (damn how many years have I listed that?)

finish the new album.... (just love saying that.. hehe...)

move in with the boif, and not strangle him in the process... (definitely may want to split that out into two seperate goals later...)

read five books (suggestions?)

trips: hiking, beach, Baltimore, Asheville (?)

work out 4-5 times a week

quit smoking (sigh... cough cough...)

talk to BS about grad school...

study for the GRE

What happens in a gay bar ends up on the internet...

2007-06-10T12:13:00.001-05:00

This is one of the sexiest, sweetest, most beautiful and ballsiest things I've seen in a while... (found at keithboykin.com)

Enrique Iglesias Thrills Gay Fan
Uploaded by funscenes3

zoom in for a better look...

Who are you? Who who, who who....

2007-06-09T10:42:00.000-05:00

Everytime I take one of these tests I score differently. I think the mere fact that I cannot self-assess should probably reveal more about my personality than anything, but anyway, here goes: some more blog clogging fodder...

You Are An ISFJ

The Nurturer

You have a strong need to belong, and you very loyal.
A good listener, you excel at helping others in practical ways.
In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music.
You find it easy to be devoted to one person, who you do special things for.

In love, you express your emotions through actions.
Taking care of someone is how you love them. And you do it well!

At work, you do well in a structured environment. You complete tasks well and on time.
You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist.

How you see yourself: Competent, dependable, and detail oriented

When other people don't get you, they see you as: Boring, dominant, and stuck in a rut

What's Your Personality Type?

Identity

2007-06-06T13:33:00.000-05:00

This blog sucks. I can't write anything here anymore because too many people I know in 'real life' have found it. Anyway, with that in mind, here's some further nonsense until I get inspired with safe material, or just throw in the towel:
(from shutternick.com)

YOUR REAL NAME: Well, I'm not taking it that far... To support my lack of integrity, here is my online name (not to be confused with my 'Christian' or stage names...): Tay Hota
YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first 4 letters of real name + izzle.) Tayizzle
YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color + favorite animal) Ever met someone who didn't know what their favorite color was? Now you have... Let's say, Cobalt Monkey (doesn't really work, does it...)
YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (your middle name + street you live on): Loyd Crossridge
YOUR PORN STAR NAME: (your first pet’s name + street you grew up on): Copper Hilltop
YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name + first 2 letters of your first name): Hottay
YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (second favorite color + favorite alcoholic drink) Green Manhattan
YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (your parents’ middle names): Loyd Margaret
YOUR GOTH NAME: (black + the name of your pet): Black Copper
YOUR ARABIC NAME: (second letter of your first name + third letter of your last name + fourth letter of your middle name + second letter of your moms maiden name + third letter of you dad’s middle name + first letter of a siblings first name + last letter of your mom’s middle name): Atyaokt

The tag part — whoever wants to do it. Just let me know so I can read it, but I’m probably already subscribed to your blog and I’ll find out eventually anyway.

New Favorite Word

2007-05-25T05:58:00.000-05:00

Watched VH1's Rock Honors last night and couldn't believe Queen's of the Stone Age... Man these guys fucking tear it up... They covered Sabbath's 'Paranoid' and rocked it, even if Dave Grohl's not on drums anymore... Anyway, this morning I had to google a word that Josh Homme (singer) had scrawled across his forearm... And here it is... (I almost peed myself...)

1. Gunt

Bulging area found on large older women between the waist and the genital area. Not quite a gut, not quite a cunt... The Gunt.
My sixth grade teacher had a gunt like a freakin' innertube!

2. The gunt is the huge layer of belly fat that hangs over the waist on morbidly obese women and covers the vagina. If for some reason, someone would actually want to have sex with this woman, the gunt must be lifted up out of the way to expose the genitals.

I know, cruel and I'm going to hell and all... (you can only go once!) But hot damn that's a fun word...

TGIF

2007-05-21T06:41:00.000-05:00

It's important for me to stop now and then and take inventory of my life and reflect honestly on how things are progressing. Friday night gave me a good opportunity to do this.

After a fun couple hours of drumming at the UU I called JVJ to see about a quick drink before heading home. We ended up at our local watering hole, pleased to find some freindly faces and plenty of people watching opportunities. One of the folks that we met up with was Brian, who I've not seen for over a year. As a matter of fact last time I saw Brian I was just beginning the coming out prcoess and had just told JVJ herself a few months earlier. Excited by meeting a gay man who was comfortbale with and seemingly accepted by many of my straight friends I quickly cam out to Brian.

Friday night Brian was talking quite humbly about living in New York, the challenges of moving frequently with his job and anxiety about liking our home town here in the south. While he enjoys visiting this town we call home (and which he also called home for some time) he feels more comfortable in a bogger city and admitted sheepishly that he attributes much of this to a higher number of available gay men.

I was surprised with my comfort in communicating that I was finally comfortable here in town. I have a strong and supportive community and friends, enjoy being near my family and am seeing a boy I love. Without hesitation I finally, after years of struggling with the temptations of getting back to my big city roots, have found a place in my life where it's okay to stay. As Phish said, "find yourself a city to live in." Once your there, let it become your home.

"Dr." Jerry Falwell's Last Meeting

2007-05-15T13:42:00.000-05:00

Come out, come out, wherever you are... Ding dong the dick is dead...

Some links to fellow revelers out there:

Anyone's passing, though, is a loss; in this case maybe just the loss of potential (as if he'd have ever changed his ways.. but who knows... maybe he made a positive change in someone's life out there... just not mine.)

Soul Urge Number 5

2007-05-08T21:12:00.000-05:00

Numerology intrigues me, not because I especially believe in it, but, well, I guess cause I'm a 5:

No: 5
The 5 soul urge or motivation would like to follow a life of freedom, excitement, adventure and unexpected happening. The idea of travel and freedom to roam intrigues you. You are very much the adventurer at heart. Not particularly concerned about your future or about getting ahead, you can seem superficial and unmotivated.
Positive Traits : In a positive sense, the energies of the number 5 make you very adaptable and versatile. You have a natural resourcefulness and enthusiasm that may mark you as a progressive with a good mind and active imagination. You seem to have a natural inclination to be a pace-setter. You are attracted to the unusual and the fast paced.
Negative Traits : You may be overly restless and impatient at times. You may dislike the routine work that you are engaged in, and tend to jump from activity to activity, without ever finishing anything. You may have difficulty with responsibility. You don't want to be tied down to a relationship, and it may be hard to commit to one person.

Best Boy, err, Buy

2007-05-03T06:58:00.000-05:00

So the boif and I went over to Best Buy to check out the merch. (one of his favorite pastimes and tolerable for me). As usual we split up, me traveling over to the cd's and he to the computers and games. I was perusing the crap that is American pop music and glanced over to see whether he was done. He was having a good time playing one of those stand-up gaming displays when another guy, tall thin and fit walked up to pick up the controller next to him. They played along and next time I glanced over they were talking directly to each other, all smiles and laughter, controllers laying unused in their hands.

Taking my cue I wandered over to say hi (read: stake my claim). The boif detected my unease and immediately got defensive: "What's your problem? Why'd you even come over here? I mean, look at him? Why would I even be interested?" Trying to ignore my impulse to ask, "would it be safe to assume something was up if he WAS a looker?" I looked over/ up at the guy (he must have been seven feet tall). He had the most gorgeous blue/ green eyes I've seen, tanned face and shining smiley teeth; not a bit of insecurity and not a hair out of place.

Angry at myself over my jealousy and distrust, and angry at the boif for his defensive stance, I wandered away to process. When I glanced back the two of them where standing front to back, the tall gamer leaned over slightly with the boif behind him, hanging onto his belt loop like a rodeo rider, both of them smiling from ear to ear...

God I hate dreaming...

4:20

2007-04-20T06:54:00.000-05:00

Today is 4-20, my least favorite day of the year for many reasons: As an educator, and especially as one who works specifically with emotionally and behaviorally disabled students I am hyper-sensitive to school violence and the ongoing threat of copy-cat situations. I know how sensitive and unreasonable these kids can sometimes be, and I know how miserable and unimaginable some of their lives are; it's why I love them. But today, the anniversary of Columbine, Hitler's Birthday, "4:20"... today seems like an especially opportune time for some of our more unstable citizens to shine. I know, I'm still caught up in the frenzy of the VT tragedy, and am hyper-vigilant, but I know this day bothers me every single year I go out to visit schools... I have taken off in the past and hidden my head in the sand but usually, as with today, I just keep my eyes and ears open, hit the bricks and try to do my best to make a change for the better.

*** On the up side, it's these guys' birthday, I'm just sayin':

My Life

2007-04-18T08:38:00.000-05:00

Got this one over at Daniel's place. I'm really not sure how friends/ family scored so low, and finances are so high... Musta hit da wrong key somewheres....

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	7.2
Mind:	7
Body:	8.2
Spirit:	6.7
Friends/Family:	4.8
Love:	6.9
Finance:	8.1
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