I will quit smoking, I just wish I could kick it before it kills me. I've just received word that my grandmother is in the ICU. The radiation is not working as we'd thought and the cancer has spread. The doctor is giving her 2-4 months to live. My grandfather just passed from liver cancer, and now his wife is on her way, from lung cancer.
I tend, after a quit, to forget why I'm stopping at all. Here are some questions from Quit Assist and my answers. Hopefully I'll remember to look here.
1. Why do I want to quit.
Waking up tired from not breathing fully, due to last nights cigarettes; headaches in the morning; phlem; smelling like I've been eating turds; yellow teeth; anxiety and restless while and after smoking.
2. When I tried to quit in the past, what helped and what didn't?
Nic inhaler helped some, but looked like I was puffing on a tampon; have never tried nic replacement; lexapro took the edge off, but did not decrease want
3. What will be the most difficult situations for me after I quit? How do I plan to handle them?
The bar; Avoid the bar; take it moment by moment; I also love my cig after work, it's like heroin... really, it knocks me on my ass and throws me into my daily nap. That's gonna be a tough one. My driving cigs are wonderful as well... Fortunately, while I drive for my job, I dont smoke until after work. I also don't take many long road trips. I'll have to get back to what to do about my after work cigs... maybe a post work walk; blog post time.. dunno...
4. Who can help me through the rough times?
The boy will do what he can, although it's better for me if no one adresses it: no discussions, no reminders. J will certainly help, but really, it's just up to me.
5. What pleasures do I get from smoking? What ways can I get pleasure if I quit?At another site I've filled out a "Why I Smoke" quiz. 11 or higher is considered high.
- Stimulation: 5 (Actually, smoking typically sedates me more than anything. I mean, it does increase my heart rate and makes me nervous and anxious, but it also makes me lethargic and sleepy, most times.)
- Handling: 12 (No doubt, I love the process. I've started drawing again to deal with my hands. Will miss the tap, deep inhale, sizzling of the paper, tap tap...)
- Pleasure/ relaxation: 11
- Crutch/ tension: 13 (Exercise.)
- Craving/ addiction: 13 (Psychological addiction. Nic replacement?)
- Part of my routine: 5 (Unlike many smokers I hate morning smoke, Any time I smoke before noon it's just an excuse to be lazy, because I can't get re-motivated.)
- Social Smoker: 13 (Of course, there are not as many friends that smoke, so this is easier. A will be coming back from Paris this week smoke free, so J will be one of the few hold-outs. She can do without, I think, unlike me...)
Not sure of the next step. I'll revisit Allen Carr's book, and maybe pay a visit to the doc; sure he misses me.
*Just after I typed this my mother called to let me know that the doctor has changed his prognosis from 2-4 months to 3-4 days. Nan's on her way to hospice and we're all just waiting. Fuck, I am not ready for this.
2 comments:
Hey Tay, sorry to hear that about your gran. You really made my day with your advise!! Keep your head up and walk, life continues and although we have obsticles throughout, what will be life without them? so boring!! Life continues and we'll grow stronger, keep up!!!
You are awesome and I need to quit smoking too!! Your advise is great, thanks!!!
I just recently lost my grandmother to cancer. The doctors do not know shit though. They said 3-4 days and she held on for almost 8 more months, yet every week they'd say "it's gonna be any day now..." She held on until she was readt to go...Bottom line. I'm sorry though to hear it. Keep your head up and if you have any reason to quit smoking....Well, you know.
(I realy shouldn't talk cause I have the same damn monkey on my back...)
Post a Comment