My Drag Name is Anne Slanders

("Honey, no it looks great! This is all the rage this year...")
I wish I could lure more folks to my blog so they could give me advice and guide my life, thereby relieving me of all responsibility. I know, posting more than twice a month would be a start, shut it!!

I've somehow become that guy who follows everyone else's rules. In my early thirties I still quiver when presented with a choice, much like I did in that Baltimore toy-store some 28 years ago. Recently my mom revealed her secret fear that I would move to New York City. Apparently this was something that she had thought about for years while I was growing up. When she asked why I didn't, I told her that I didn't realize it was an option. I mean, she had made it clear that the family needed to stay nearby and here I sit, always within 1/2 an hours drive of the parents (and therefore, sisters) house. Now, I don't want to give you the wrong impression: It's not that I'm trying to please everyone else. It's more a matter of not trusting my own choices. I'm such a pragmatist that I seem to think there is one absolute solution for every situation. The possibility that there could be TWO equal ways of dealing with something?! Whoa...

I just read a meme where someone names his favorite cologne's. Yes, he has TWO! I cannot imagine. I do not wear cologne because there is just too much chance of someone not liking it. If someone ever told me, "Hey, Tay, this is THE cologne for you," I'd wear it for the rest of my life. I still wear this outdated shirt to work about once a week because a woman once told me, "I love that plum color on you." It's now faded into your base purple, but once perfect, always perfect!

My living room is still primer white after four years because I cannot find that color that everyone agrees would be a perfect fit. I wore pants last week I absolutely hate because they are too tight and short, simply because the salesman said they were cool, and, when prodded, my trendy friend said she loved them. I felt like I was wearing tiny pants and lost the confidence to speak to anyone all night. Pitiful.

Some more examples of how I live by other people's rules: I live alone because he doesn't want his parents to know (his fear over my need); I sleep alone because he doesn't want MY neighbors to know (ditto); I hate my townhouse, and knew I would, but people told me "it just makes sense" for me... They don't have to live here!!

Gotta work on that... And figure out where it comes from: I used to be a straight edge, punk rocking skin-head looking kid with a big fat bumper sticker that read, "homophobia is not a family value." Where did that kid go?