If you're like me you have an eye for the straight/ butch guys who were born two seconds on either side of straight and sometimes seem to have the sensitivity and insight of a rock. (There's a simple test for this: if you ask him what he's thinking about, he says nothing and really means it...) If you're like me you deal out sarcasm shrouded as wit to project your false confidence and maintain a level, and low, emotional playing field. If you're like me you have self-esteem issues that lead you on a constant hunt for the smallest and most insincere affirmations and eat them up like chocolate covered Bings (take that where ever your mind leads you).
This is the death nail for the gay man, I'm convinced. Finding endorsement in porn, drugs, drink and dick has potential for leading us down the most self-destructive, empty paths we could find. At best it leads to stagnation. 'Bullshit' you say? I know you've been there; I saw you with my own eyes;a night of drunken debauchery awakens to an ego only slightly more bruised than our liver. Ever been cheated on by a partner? This is how they got there...
Granted these are not my ideas, nor are they the most profound, but to me the idea of finding true happiness in life relies on two issues: integrity and a feeling of worth. In fact, worth comes from happiness which comes from following one's passions. I love to hear the boif tell me how good my hair looks (stop laughing, it happened once!) and could easily spend my day drinking and exchanging compliments with any number of friends; these are important and fun parts of any relationship although deep and meaningful (read: long-lasting) happiness, confidence and growth, for me, comes from deeper passions: drumming, music, working with kids, time with family and friends, travel, photography... These are the activities that repeatedly bring me happiness. Passion is the healthiest of cycles and possibly the most impacting on our lives: Find happiness, rinse and repeat.
If you made it this far I'd love to hear your passions! If you didn't, I never liked you much anyway. ♥
