A legacy of crabs...

My grandfather passed away this morning at about 4:30 am, about nine months after they discovered polyps in his colon. Liver cancer.

I have thought often today, and in the monhts and years before, about this man. I would not describe him as a happy man. He's not a man who embraced you physically or emotionally. Quick qith wit, his humor always had a biting edge. I've even, at time, resented this man for not trying harder to show his love for my father and others around him, but, that's our legacy. Each generation has this crabbiness, and each of us works to be a better person. He was no exception.

My grandfather's mother died when I was in high school. This is the woman who did not talk to my father for two years because his hair was too long. All she ever wanted, and received, for christmas was a carton of menthol cigarettes. Her last words on this earth were, "you're breath stinks and you ain't got no goddamn manners." I know where my grandfather ("Pop") got it from. It's lessened in each generation, but I've got it too. Pop may have realized it later in life, before the move to Florida, because he DID loosen up. He did smile a little easier, and he did show appreciation. He took us down to his house boat on the Chesapeake Bay to go crabbing, and we'd have enourmous crab feasts afterwards (with the crabs we bought on the way home). I remember the smell of those cigar boxes he'd give me to collect butterflies with as well as the garden he took so much pride in. He had a right to take pride as he harvested full sized and delicious vegetables from a ten by thirty patch on the back side of their baltimore city brownstone. It seems that an above ground pool once sat on that spot.

Pop took me fishing, taught me the power of silence and the importance of family. I will miss him. Orlando, here I come.

let's play ketchup

I drop by my blogs on a daily basis but just can't come up with anything to write about, because even I am sick of listening to myself complain... so here's a summary of what's been happening lately. Lets see:

• spring is in full bloom, did some gardening (two tiny planters on my patio...) may actually get out to the boat today so people can stare in disgust at my fat white belly... yeah!!!!!!
• have started twice weekly chiropractic visits; they are very relaxing, there is a very hot young PT that touches my hiney to put on and remove electrodes, as well as smearing some cold gel around on my back with an ultrasound. my back still hurts and I hate the steroids the've put me on... hottie PT says it will be okay. I trust him.
• went out with J (best friend) last week to Green Queen Bingo. The theme was 50's prom night... I had an absolute blast... we looked nuts and retarded and fun in our formals... it was a blast to have people staring at us... I absolutely needed a night like that... just being stupid, laughing til my face hurt, what do they call that? oh yeah, being "alive"...
• last night was Dining for friends.... Annual event for AIDS organization here in town... Mini-production of RENT at the local gay bar (I think we are down to one gay bar now...) I'd never been, but it was a pretty cool place, despite all I'd heard about it being so seedy.... saw my last boss there... I've heard he visits... wonder if his wife and kids have? fucking asshole... anyway, then went to eat way too much dessert at the coliseum and back to the bar for some dancing... dancing? forgot I could...
• In general, things are going "okay" (lie)... constantly restless, and happiest at work and a bar... that's not good... but... lets not get into all that....

Well shut my mouth

If there is one blog I read that regularly intimidates me into wordlessness (?) it's www.matthillnc.com

Kid's a ballsy genius... I want to be him when I grow up... Check it out...